I'm 51 years old. I started semaglutide 8 months ago and I've lost 67 pounds. I should be happy. Everyone keeps telling me how great I look. And I smile and say thank you.
But at night, alone, I am drowning in grief.
I'm grieving my twenties, when I skipped pool parties and beach trips and wore long sleeves in summer. I'm grieving my thirties, when I didn't date because I was convinced no one could love my body. I'm grieving my forties, when I stopped being in photos with my kids because I couldn't stand to see myself.
My daughter is 16. I am in maybe a dozen photos with her. A dozen. In sixteen years. Because I hid. I always hid.
And now this medication — this simple weekly injection — has done what 30 years of dieting, shame, self-hatred, and white-knuckling never could. And I can't stop thinking: why didn't this exist sooner? Why did I have to lose so much of my life?
I'm sorry if this is too heavy. I just needed to say it somewhere.
It's not too heavy. It's the truth that a lot of us are carrying.
I'm 47. I missed my entire young adulthood to obesity. I never wore a swimsuit. I never felt beautiful at my own wedding. I never let my husband see me fully without the lights off.
Last month I wore a sleeveless dress for the first time since college. And I went into the bathroom and sobbed because it felt like meeting someone I was supposed to be all along but never got to be.
The grief is real. You're not being dramatic. You lost something — time, experiences, confidence, yourself — and you're allowed to mourn that. Even while you're celebrating what's happening now.
Both things can be true at once.
What you're describing is a form of ambiguous grief — mourning losses that are hard to define, that society doesn't recognize with rituals or sympathy cards. You didn't lose a person, but you lost years of lived experience, and that grief is just as valid.
I want to gently push back on one framing though:
why didn't this exist sooner? Why did I have to lose so much of my life?
This thought is understandable, but it can become a trap. The past cannot be different than it was. What we can do is:
- Acknowledge the loss without drowning in it
- Practice radical acceptance — "this is what happened. I did the best I could with what was available to me."
- Redirect the energy of grief into intentional living now — you have decades ahead of you. Fill them.
Also: the photos thing. Start being in photos today. Every single one. Your daughter doesn't need you to have been in photos at 35. She needs you in them at 51 and 55 and 60 and beyond.
You are not too late. You are right on time for the rest of your life.
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View ResultsI can't even type through the tears right now.
The photos thing. God, the photos thing. I am the photographer in my family because being behind the camera means never being in front of it. My kids don't even ask me to be in pictures anymore. They just hand me the phone.
This weekend I'm going to hand the phone to someone else and get in the damn picture. Even if I'm not at goal weight. Even if I'm not "ready." My kids deserve to have proof their mother existed.
tony_orlando, thank you. "You are right on time for the rest of your life" just became my phone wallpaper.
I showed this thread to my daughter last night. She read it quietly and then hugged me and said "Mom, I don't care about old photos. I just want you healthy and here for my wedding someday."
I'm going to ugly cry about that for approximately the rest of my life.
We took a selfie together last night. First one in years. I'm not hiding in it. I'm right there, puffy face and all, next to my beautiful girl.
It's a start.